Tim and I have been having some relationship challenges. Not the “break up a family” kind of challenges, but the “we have been together a long time and have 2 demanding jobs, 3 kids and lots of responsibilities and not enough time for each other” type of challenges. And so we have been talking. Talking heatedly, talking lovingly, talking practically, and talking emotionally. It has been difficult (exhausting) to find the time to spend working on these challenges when life is so, so busy. But we both (thankfully) recognize that the health of our relationship is the key to our future happiness and the happiness of 3 other little people. And so we talk.

Sometimes our talk is very difficult for one or both of us to say and sometimes it is difficult for one of us to hear. We dredge up old hurts and issues. We also (again, thankfully) dredge up old joys and experiences. Like any married couple, we have grown both closer and apart. We have changed as people, we are not the same people who met 19 years ago and married 9 years ago. We make assumptions and presumptions about each other’s thoughts and actions based on history, not the present. And we take each other for granted.

This week I have made a wonderful (surprising) revelation:

We want the same things.
We are longing for a similar type of change.
We have the same goals but about different aspects of our life.

This may sound obvious, because we are married. We did CHOOSE each other. But both of us had been under the impression that we were going in different directions. We didn’t feel like we were sharing goals,plans, and dreams. All the talking has been worth it. We are heading in the right direction. And we can see a way to move forward in 2014 together – not just physically in the world, but spiritually and emotionally also.

And for this I am immensely grateful.